confrontations...
Sep. 29th, 2010 12:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelshill i'm not supposed to be posting this just yet (actually, i'm not supposed to be still up at half past midnight) since tomorrow (technically, later) is still the final (and possibly worst) day for my final pre-board exams... but i wanted to take a break since i've had 2/3rds of the exams already in the past two days and i needed to get this out of my head before things get really scary and before i forget what i wanted to write..
so yeah...
and it turns out i can't post this in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
mukae_ni_ikuyo since the JunxMao pair here is not the main story... i have an idea on what my first post there would be about though... :)
anyways...
TITLE: Baby Steps
CHARACTERS: Arashi members, NewS members, Horikita Maki, Inoue Mao, Oguri Shun, Ikuta Toma, and a whole horde of other Johnny's and female Japanese actresses
PAIRING: Yamashita Tomohisa/Horikita Maki; Matsumoto Jun/Inoue Mao; others
RATINGS: PG
DISCLAIMER: The only thing i own in this story is the plot...
Prologue / Chapter1/ Chapter2/ Chapter3/ Chapter4/ Chapter5/ Chapter6/ Chapter7/ Chapter8/ Chapter8.5/ Chapter9/ Chapter10/ Chapter 11/ Chapter12/ Chapter13/ Chapter14
Chapter 15
“I think it’s about time you and I have a talk…”
Those were Johnny’s first words the moment Yamapi entered the penthouse office of the Johnny’s Jimusho Building. It wasn’t his first time entering Johnny’s main office and despite the fact that the room actually just looked like a lounge, he felt his heart racing particularly because it is his first time to be there alone with Johnny, he’s usually there with his group members or Nanba.
It didn’t also help that after seeing him sit, the old man most Johnny idol’s assumed to be part of the staff during their first meeting stood up and walked towards the high windows to the right side. He had his hands behind his back as he looked out at the view.
“Come here…” Johnny said after a while.
Yamapi tried hard to swallow as he followed what he was told; he stood next to their company president and looked out the window. Since the jimusho’s building is one of the towers in the area, it easily overlooks the other buildings surrounding it, Yamapi realized that he was actually seeing most of the recording and shooting studios that surround the area.
“For someone who is not standing on where we are standing now, he might think that I can see everything from where I stand…” Johnny said. “And technically, he would be right. Every building within the next few blocks is highly visible from here…”
“But actually, I only see what I am allowed to see… I only see those buildings, but I do not see what happens within them… I may be allowed to glimpse from the windows but what I see barely scratches what is really happening… A number of this company’s talents work inside those studios and yet I can’t point what building or floor or side from where I’m standing…”
Yamapi simply turned to look at Johnny, not knowing what to say or do with what he was being told. There’s this part of him that is absorbing what he is being told but so far, the other part, that part that still is nervous, is fighting hard (and is winning) to remain on the surface.
“I may not know your names…” Johnny continued. “But I try my best to oversee everything happening to each and every one of you… Some of you I might see clearer than the others while the others fade to obscurity. But even for those I see clearly, I still do not know anything that you are not allowing me to see… Tell me, what are your plans now?”
“Plans?” Yamapi echoed, lost at where they’re boss is going at.
Johnny smiled, still not looking at him. “A lot of your sempais had been lobbying for a change since a long time ago with regards to relationship matters… The call had only strengthened these past few years… In a way, what’s going to happen to your situation now would be one of the key factors on what happens next on that issue…”
Yamapi couldn’t help but swallow hard, understanding for the first time the gravity of his situation. What happened did not just affect him and Maki after all, but everyone in the jimusho as well. He wanted to hit himself for forgetting how everything got stricter in the jimusho after Kimura Takuya announced his marriage before he even passed the age of 30.
“I’m sorry…” he said slowly.
Johnny chuckled, shaking his head as he turned around to get back behind his desk.
“I probably should have talked to you about his earlier than now, but I wanted to see how the fans would respond to the rumors about you and Horikita Maki…” Johnny said. “Koichi called it testing the waters…”
Yamapi frowned, confused of so many things; Johnny knowing Maki’s name when he barely knew half their names, Johnny knowing about the rumors and not getting angry, and the name Koichi entering the picture.
“Koichi-kun?”
“Yeah… It was his idea to feed the fans something to start the rumors about you and Horikita Maki, from there, things just started to develop. Come to think of it, I am quite amused that Koichi, of all people, would come up with this idea…” Johnny grinned.
Yamapi still wanted to ask some things and clear a few issues out when Johnny suddenly looked all serious and said “But that is neither here nor there… I want to hear what your plans are from here on…”
Plans? He didn’t have plans. He never thought of having plans. He was living the past days as it passed, and so far, he was enjoying it.
But when he looked up at Johnny, he said the first thing that came to his mind.
“I’d want to tell the fans as soon as possible…”
----------
There was some sort of a spring on his steps when Yamapi entered Maki’s apartment building that day, it was the day they decided to go to Maki’s doctor to learn their baby’s gender.
His meeting with Johnny ended on a higher note despite the fact that he had a lot more unanswered questions after the meeting as compared to before he went there. It was even Johnny, himself, who said that he could announce his marriage on one of their next concerts, as part of the almost-tradition of Johnny’s to inform the fans that way as exhibited by both Innochi and Gussan. He gladly agreed, thinking that it would be the best possible way for him to convey his feelings to the fans.
He was planning on telling Maki that after they get back from the doctor’s office when he opened her door (with his own key) and was met with the sight of Maki, sitting on her couch, still in her home clothes, with a sad-serious look. She was looking at the television, but she didn’t seem like she’s seeing anything there.
“Good morning!” he greeted slowly as he made his way to her side.
Her face didn’t change much when she turned to greet him back, except that she had tried to put on a smile that didn’t quite get the desired effects.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “I thought we were going to the doctor today…”
“I changed my mind…” Maki shrugged, turning back to the television. “I don’t feel like going anymore…”
He wasn’t really that surprised to hear her back-out; he knew that there are mothers who would prefer to be surprised of their baby’s gender when the baby comes out, but he was slightly disappointed. He was really looking forward to sharing that moment with her. He also noticed that she is acting a bit strange, treating him differently from how she treated him the last time they saw each other.
“Okay…” he shrugged, not thinking too much of it. Remembering that Nanba had freed his morning schedule, he asked “What do you want to do then?”
Maki turned to him suddenly and asked, “What about you? Do you know what you want to do?”
Yamapi stopped, “What do you mean?”
“Just answer the question…” Maki said. “Do you know what you want to do?”
“Now?” he asked tentatively. “I was planning that we go for a snack after we go to your doctor, but you said you don’t want to go anymore…”
Maki closed her eyes and swallowed hard, as if pained by what he just said. This confused him much more when she asked
“Why do you want to know the baby’s gender?”
“You’re the one who said I could find out with you, right?” he asked.
“So you mean you really don’t want to find out…”
“Of course I do…” he amended immediately. “I’d love to find out… But you said you don’t want to…”
“So why?” Maki reiterated, looking a bit irritated as she said it.
Yamapi didn’t answer for a while, not really knowing what to say. “I… I don’t know…” he admitted.
Maki smiled bitterly as she turned back to the television, saying “As expected…”
His male instincts suddenly kicking in, Yamapi found himself slowly getting irritated when he realized that Maki seems to be annoyed or angry at him for some reason. His irritation only increased when he realized that Maki does not seem willing to even tell him why.
“Is there something I should know about?” he asked in a slightly higher voice, trying to channel his growing irritation.
He probably should have contained his irritation more because Maki seemed to have snapped hearing him raise, albeit very slightly, his voice.
“I should be the one asking you that!” she cried. “Is there something I should know?!”
“How should I know?” he blurted out without thinking.
Maki snorted, standing up. “Yeah, you don’t really know anything…” she shook her head as she started to move away.
Before she could move away though, Yamapi had reached out and grabbed her arm.
“Will you just tell me what’s going on?” he said through gritted teeth. “You’re angry at me for some reason and I don’t know why!”
“What exactly do you know anyway?!” Maki exclaimed, shaking his arm away. “The moment this thing started, you already had no idea! You don’t know why you wanted to find out the baby’s gender! You don’t know what’s going on! Heck! I think you don’t even know what you want to do!”
“What do you want me to say?!” Yamapi bit back, his control snapping.
“I don’t know! Maybe something real!” Maki retorted sarcastically. Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “Look, I don’t think this is a good idea… You better go…”
“Let’s talk about this…” Yamapi said immediately, his anger subsiding the moment he saw her turn away.
Maki stopped and turned to face him again, her irritation no longer visible for her eyes became guarded.
“For now, there’s no point…” she said sadly. “Because you have no idea of a lot of things and us talking about it would only make things worst…”
“Can you at least tell me what’s happening…” he said. “Because I have no idea what’s going on…”
“Deep inside you, you know what’s happening… You just don’t want to accept it…” she sighed before walking to her room, leaving Yamapi rooted to where he was standing. Reaching her bedroom, she turned to look at him one last time.
“I want you to know this though… Whatever comes up or whatever it is you decided on, I will not keep our child away from you… You will always and still be the father… I don’t want that to cloud your judgment…” she said and with that, she closed the door.
----------
‘He must have left already…’ Maki thought as she got on her bed and laid there staring at the ceiling.
When she heard about Yamapi being with Aragaki Yui in that café the afternoon before, she felt so many things changing within her. It wasn’t jealousy, no it wasn’t. What it was is some sort of a wake up call.
Ever since that day they went to Chiba, an unintended hope rose in her heart and mind, the hope that maybe she is as special to him as he is to her. His actions, his continuous attention, all of these are indicating that it is possible. And it didn’t help that he always looked happy and content when they’re together.
But hearing about his meet-up, accidental or otherwise, with his former co-star, she remembered how he usually is to his co-stars, especially the ones he really works closely and numerously with. He is a true-blooded Johhny’s idol, one that follows the make of his favorite sempai, Takizawa Hideaki; friendly, warm, and an ultimate charmer. He was like that to her too especially during the time they were shooting for the serial of Kurosagi, except that as time went on, things changed between the two of them because she realized she was dangerously falling for him while he seemed to be falling for someone else.
Remembering that made her question if she really did read his actions correctly, if what she saw as him treating her specially really is him treating her specially or it was just him being his normal charmer self. She realized that while it is true that she is different from the other women in his life, there’s a big probability that she is only different because she is carrying his child. That realization hurt, even more when she realized that his silence about his feelings connected to her may not be just because he’s not one who’s vocal about those types of feelings but simply because he had no feelings for her at all.
While it may have seemed sudden or harsh or confusing to him, she had decided to clear everything between the two of them. She had to know what he really felt. She had to know the real score. Because even if she really does love him, and that is something she’s not going to deny, she meant it when she told him during that meeting that she wasn’t going to wait for him.
Even extreme masochists reach their limits too.
----------
“Should we go check on her?” Erika asked as she and Mao stretched from where the two of them were hiding in the kitchen.
Mao had left Maki with Erika when she went to the kitchen to prepare them something to eat; Maki having already told them what she had decided on and Erika had just gone to the comfort room for a bit when Yamapi came in. When she went out, he and Maki were already having quite a serious discussion which is why she opted to go to the kitchen instead where Mao was already listening in on the conversation.
They waited for a couple more minutes after Maki closed her bedroom door since Yamapi had stood there, simply looking at the closed door, for a while. They really couldn’t see his expression when he turned around to leave except for the fact that they heard him sigh.
“I think she’d want to be alone for just a bit…” Mao said, her eyes still on Maki’s door. “Give her a few minutes…”
“I guess you’re right…” Erika said, nodding. “Do you think Maki-chan was jealous of Aragaki-san?”
Mao shrugged, turning back to the food she was working on before she heard Yamapi coming in.
“I think what happened scared her… It opened the option that she’s not that special to him at all…” she said. Mao knew from personal experience how painful it was to feel those doubts, she felt the same thing about Matsujun during Hanadan’s first season. Thankfully, in her situation, it wasn’t the case, and she’s hoping that it isn’t in Maki’s condition too. Nonetheless, it still is a painful feeling.
“Besides…” she added. “We wouldn’t really know since Maki-chan’s not saying anything and the only person who can read her really clearly is not here and wouldn’t be here long in case she is…”
“Yeah…” Erika agreed, knowing that Meisa, who still is to find out about her best friend’s current condition when she arrives later in the evening since she had been out of Tokyo for two nights already for a location shoot, would go directly to Yamapi for a confrontation if she finds out. “I almost feel sorry for Yamapi-kun at the moment too, though…”
“Why?”
“Imagine having people like Toma-kun, Shun-kun, Jun-kun, and Mei-chan lunging at his neck all at the same time…” she chuckled lightly. “Kame-kun said he’s trying to play neutral in this situation but he said every other Johnny that’s close to Yamapi is either picking Maki-chan’s side or is inclining towards her… I wouldn’t want to be him at the moment…”
Mao nodded her agreement. “Let’s just hope that this ends on a good note for him and Maki-chan…”
----------
“She just wouldn’t tell me what’s going on…” Yamapi continued, sighing as he stared at his beer bottle.
After leaving Maki’s place, he found himself in his own bed, in his own room, in his own apartment, trying to rack his brains out of what might have caused what had just happened. But no matter how hard he racked his brain, he still couldn’t get it. His questions remained unanswered even when he left his apartment for work this time.
Yamapi glanced to his side to look at one of his best friends he had not seen I a while. He was still at the NewS greenroom for their concert practice when Kame sent him a message declaring Jin’s arrival. Not long after, Jin himself sent him a message telling him to go to one of their favorite bars in Ginza when he gets himself free.
Seeing Jin simply playing with the remaining ice in his scotch glass obviously uneasy, he groaned. “Oi! Bakanishi! You’re not listening to me!”
“What?!” Jin said, turning to him in confusion. “Of course I’m listening!’
“You’re not saying anything!”
“Was I supposed to say something?” Jin asked. “You should have told me earlier… Here I was thinking I just have to stand here next to you and listen to whatever you have to say… I would have said something sooner if I knew!”
Torn between hitting himself or Jin for actually being in this situation, he crossed his arms and looked seriously at his friend. “So?”
“So?” Jin echoed, looking lost.
“So what do you have to say?” he cried, restraining himself from shouting as he tried to reason to himself that Jin had just arrived from the U.S. and is probably just experiencing jetlag.
Jin’s forehead creased for a few seconds before the signs of understanding dawned on his face.
“Ah! Yeah… About your situation with Maki-chan right? I think you did something wrong…’
It took Yamapi every self-restraint to stop himself from choking Jin to death, especially when he was looking at him in a very condescending way while he said that. He already knew that he must have done something wrong somewhere; he didn’t need to hear it again from him.
“You’re not helping!” he sighed, burying his face on his hands. “I can’t believe I’m sharing this to you…”
“That makes the two of us…” Kame chuckled lightly as he stepped next to Yamapi, signaling the bartender to give beer. “I can’t believe you’re asking Bakanishi of all people…”
“Oi!” Jin reprimanded to which neither men paid attention to.
“What are you doing here?” Yamapi asked.
“We’re actually the ones Jin is meeting here… I think he just invited you to make himself a bit comfortable while waiting for the others…” Kame said before turning to Jin and saying “Nakamaru-kun said they’d be here in about 30 minutes…”
“Ah… That’s the real reason huh…” Yamapi said, nodding as he threw a dark glance at Jin who simply smiled at him.
“What about you, why did you come here other than indulging Bakanishi?” Kame asked.
“Oi!” Jin reprimanded once again and was met by the same reaction.
“I wanted to go somewhere…” Yamapi said, sighing. “And I got tired of seeing Ryo look at me disappointedly or angrily… Seriously, that guy used either of those expressions only whenever he looked at me earlier…”
It was true, the moment he stepped in the greenroom and saw Ryo already in there, he knew that Ryo had somehow found out something about what had just happened since there was almost a murderous touch in his usual psychotic glare as he looked at him. Ryo had not even smiled even when he greeted him, he only acknowledged him with a nod followed by a shake of his head.
He still does not know what exactly Ryo knows or how he found out when the six of them separated after the practice.
“That’s not impossible…” Kame shrugged.
“You know?!” Yamapi exclaimed. When Kame simply raised an eyebrow at him as if saying “Do you even have to ask?” he shook his head and said “I seriously want to know how you guys keep finding out about it! I’m really seriously considering that maybe you guys actually know more about what’s going on than I do!”
“Ah… You don’t have to consider that…” Kame said. “That’s something you already have to accept and live with…”
Yamapi’s eyes grew wide before he shook his head with a sigh. “Care to tell me then what is it that you know that I don’t?”
“You mean you still have no idea?” Kame asked incredulously. Seeing as it was Yamapi’s turn to raise an eyebrow at his friend as if saying “Would I ask if I knew?”, Kame sighed. “What do you think is the reason behind Kuroki-chan’s almost hatred of you?”
“Wait, she hates you?” Jin popped in. “Since when?”
“Since you happened!” Kame chuckled while Yamapi said “Come to think of it, part of this is actually you’re fault!”
“What?” Jin exclaimed, stepping back. “I wasn’t even here!”
“That’s what made it worse!” Yamapi exclaimed. “What the heck did you do to Kuroki-chan for her to hate me that much because of you?!”
Jin simultaneously blanched and blushed but before he could even start choosing the letters to make his words, Kame chuckled “His being a Bakanishi is enough reason actually but we’re quite getting out of the topic… Other than this fool over here, what do you think would be the reason why someone as close to Maki-chan as Kuroki-chan is completely against you despite the circumstances?”
Yamapi looked stumped for a second before he said the usual reason used against their kind. “I’m a Johnny, I guess she didn’t want Maki-chan to be exposed to the troubles presented by being with a Johnny…”
Kame shook his head with a small chuckle. “And you believe deep in your heart that that reason actually is enough to make her react that way?”
Yamapi didn’t answer and it seemed he didn’t need to. He knew that while that reason would be enough for the more normal circumstances, it wasn’t enough for this one, not when Maki’s already pregnant with his child, and she’s as popular as he is.
“What don’t you want someone important to you feel?” Kame asked helpfully.
Yamapi turned to him and asked “Get hurt?”
Kame nodded. “And what is one of the biggest reasons why a person could really get hurt by someone else?”
Yamapi frowned, his eyebrows creased as he thought hard. Personally, the only people who could really hurt him, not physically of course but emotionally, are the ones that are really important to him. And the ones who’re normally important to a person are his family, friends, and…
Yamapi’s eyes grew wide as the possibility dawned to him.
‘Could she really feel that way for me?’ he asked himself, dubious of himself for never considering that.
And while Yamapi fought on with his inner struggles, Kame continued to watch him, hoping and praying that he finally got it while Jin looked at the two of them blankly, trying to understand the situation.
~~~~~
two more two go! yay! :) barring any other extraordinary event, i'd be finished with the story by the week-end! :) please look forward to it... :)
and as always... comments and critics are loved! :)
so yeah...
and it turns out i can't post this in
mukae_ni_ikuyo since the JunxMao pair here is not the main story... i have an idea on what my first post there would be about though... :)anyways...
TITLE: Baby Steps
CHARACTERS: Arashi members, NewS members, Horikita Maki, Inoue Mao, Oguri Shun, Ikuta Toma, and a whole horde of other Johnny's and female Japanese actresses
PAIRING: Yamashita Tomohisa/Horikita Maki; Matsumoto Jun/Inoue Mao; others
RATINGS: PG
DISCLAIMER: The only thing i own in this story is the plot...
Prologue / Chapter1/ Chapter2/ Chapter3/ Chapter4/ Chapter5/ Chapter6/ Chapter7/ Chapter8/ Chapter8.5/ Chapter9/ Chapter10/ Chapter 11/ Chapter12/ Chapter13/ Chapter14
Chapter 15
“I think it’s about time you and I have a talk…”
Those were Johnny’s first words the moment Yamapi entered the penthouse office of the Johnny’s Jimusho Building. It wasn’t his first time entering Johnny’s main office and despite the fact that the room actually just looked like a lounge, he felt his heart racing particularly because it is his first time to be there alone with Johnny, he’s usually there with his group members or Nanba.
It didn’t also help that after seeing him sit, the old man most Johnny idol’s assumed to be part of the staff during their first meeting stood up and walked towards the high windows to the right side. He had his hands behind his back as he looked out at the view.
“Come here…” Johnny said after a while.
Yamapi tried hard to swallow as he followed what he was told; he stood next to their company president and looked out the window. Since the jimusho’s building is one of the towers in the area, it easily overlooks the other buildings surrounding it, Yamapi realized that he was actually seeing most of the recording and shooting studios that surround the area.
“For someone who is not standing on where we are standing now, he might think that I can see everything from where I stand…” Johnny said. “And technically, he would be right. Every building within the next few blocks is highly visible from here…”
“But actually, I only see what I am allowed to see… I only see those buildings, but I do not see what happens within them… I may be allowed to glimpse from the windows but what I see barely scratches what is really happening… A number of this company’s talents work inside those studios and yet I can’t point what building or floor or side from where I’m standing…”
Yamapi simply turned to look at Johnny, not knowing what to say or do with what he was being told. There’s this part of him that is absorbing what he is being told but so far, the other part, that part that still is nervous, is fighting hard (and is winning) to remain on the surface.
“I may not know your names…” Johnny continued. “But I try my best to oversee everything happening to each and every one of you… Some of you I might see clearer than the others while the others fade to obscurity. But even for those I see clearly, I still do not know anything that you are not allowing me to see… Tell me, what are your plans now?”
“Plans?” Yamapi echoed, lost at where they’re boss is going at.
Johnny smiled, still not looking at him. “A lot of your sempais had been lobbying for a change since a long time ago with regards to relationship matters… The call had only strengthened these past few years… In a way, what’s going to happen to your situation now would be one of the key factors on what happens next on that issue…”
Yamapi couldn’t help but swallow hard, understanding for the first time the gravity of his situation. What happened did not just affect him and Maki after all, but everyone in the jimusho as well. He wanted to hit himself for forgetting how everything got stricter in the jimusho after Kimura Takuya announced his marriage before he even passed the age of 30.
“I’m sorry…” he said slowly.
Johnny chuckled, shaking his head as he turned around to get back behind his desk.
“I probably should have talked to you about his earlier than now, but I wanted to see how the fans would respond to the rumors about you and Horikita Maki…” Johnny said. “Koichi called it testing the waters…”
Yamapi frowned, confused of so many things; Johnny knowing Maki’s name when he barely knew half their names, Johnny knowing about the rumors and not getting angry, and the name Koichi entering the picture.
“Koichi-kun?”
“Yeah… It was his idea to feed the fans something to start the rumors about you and Horikita Maki, from there, things just started to develop. Come to think of it, I am quite amused that Koichi, of all people, would come up with this idea…” Johnny grinned.
Yamapi still wanted to ask some things and clear a few issues out when Johnny suddenly looked all serious and said “But that is neither here nor there… I want to hear what your plans are from here on…”
Plans? He didn’t have plans. He never thought of having plans. He was living the past days as it passed, and so far, he was enjoying it.
But when he looked up at Johnny, he said the first thing that came to his mind.
“I’d want to tell the fans as soon as possible…”
----------
There was some sort of a spring on his steps when Yamapi entered Maki’s apartment building that day, it was the day they decided to go to Maki’s doctor to learn their baby’s gender.
His meeting with Johnny ended on a higher note despite the fact that he had a lot more unanswered questions after the meeting as compared to before he went there. It was even Johnny, himself, who said that he could announce his marriage on one of their next concerts, as part of the almost-tradition of Johnny’s to inform the fans that way as exhibited by both Innochi and Gussan. He gladly agreed, thinking that it would be the best possible way for him to convey his feelings to the fans.
He was planning on telling Maki that after they get back from the doctor’s office when he opened her door (with his own key) and was met with the sight of Maki, sitting on her couch, still in her home clothes, with a sad-serious look. She was looking at the television, but she didn’t seem like she’s seeing anything there.
“Good morning!” he greeted slowly as he made his way to her side.
Her face didn’t change much when she turned to greet him back, except that she had tried to put on a smile that didn’t quite get the desired effects.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “I thought we were going to the doctor today…”
“I changed my mind…” Maki shrugged, turning back to the television. “I don’t feel like going anymore…”
He wasn’t really that surprised to hear her back-out; he knew that there are mothers who would prefer to be surprised of their baby’s gender when the baby comes out, but he was slightly disappointed. He was really looking forward to sharing that moment with her. He also noticed that she is acting a bit strange, treating him differently from how she treated him the last time they saw each other.
“Okay…” he shrugged, not thinking too much of it. Remembering that Nanba had freed his morning schedule, he asked “What do you want to do then?”
Maki turned to him suddenly and asked, “What about you? Do you know what you want to do?”
Yamapi stopped, “What do you mean?”
“Just answer the question…” Maki said. “Do you know what you want to do?”
“Now?” he asked tentatively. “I was planning that we go for a snack after we go to your doctor, but you said you don’t want to go anymore…”
Maki closed her eyes and swallowed hard, as if pained by what he just said. This confused him much more when she asked
“Why do you want to know the baby’s gender?”
“You’re the one who said I could find out with you, right?” he asked.
“So you mean you really don’t want to find out…”
“Of course I do…” he amended immediately. “I’d love to find out… But you said you don’t want to…”
“So why?” Maki reiterated, looking a bit irritated as she said it.
Yamapi didn’t answer for a while, not really knowing what to say. “I… I don’t know…” he admitted.
Maki smiled bitterly as she turned back to the television, saying “As expected…”
His male instincts suddenly kicking in, Yamapi found himself slowly getting irritated when he realized that Maki seems to be annoyed or angry at him for some reason. His irritation only increased when he realized that Maki does not seem willing to even tell him why.
“Is there something I should know about?” he asked in a slightly higher voice, trying to channel his growing irritation.
He probably should have contained his irritation more because Maki seemed to have snapped hearing him raise, albeit very slightly, his voice.
“I should be the one asking you that!” she cried. “Is there something I should know?!”
“How should I know?” he blurted out without thinking.
Maki snorted, standing up. “Yeah, you don’t really know anything…” she shook her head as she started to move away.
Before she could move away though, Yamapi had reached out and grabbed her arm.
“Will you just tell me what’s going on?” he said through gritted teeth. “You’re angry at me for some reason and I don’t know why!”
“What exactly do you know anyway?!” Maki exclaimed, shaking his arm away. “The moment this thing started, you already had no idea! You don’t know why you wanted to find out the baby’s gender! You don’t know what’s going on! Heck! I think you don’t even know what you want to do!”
“What do you want me to say?!” Yamapi bit back, his control snapping.
“I don’t know! Maybe something real!” Maki retorted sarcastically. Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “Look, I don’t think this is a good idea… You better go…”
“Let’s talk about this…” Yamapi said immediately, his anger subsiding the moment he saw her turn away.
Maki stopped and turned to face him again, her irritation no longer visible for her eyes became guarded.
“For now, there’s no point…” she said sadly. “Because you have no idea of a lot of things and us talking about it would only make things worst…”
“Can you at least tell me what’s happening…” he said. “Because I have no idea what’s going on…”
“Deep inside you, you know what’s happening… You just don’t want to accept it…” she sighed before walking to her room, leaving Yamapi rooted to where he was standing. Reaching her bedroom, she turned to look at him one last time.
“I want you to know this though… Whatever comes up or whatever it is you decided on, I will not keep our child away from you… You will always and still be the father… I don’t want that to cloud your judgment…” she said and with that, she closed the door.
----------
‘He must have left already…’ Maki thought as she got on her bed and laid there staring at the ceiling.
When she heard about Yamapi being with Aragaki Yui in that café the afternoon before, she felt so many things changing within her. It wasn’t jealousy, no it wasn’t. What it was is some sort of a wake up call.
Ever since that day they went to Chiba, an unintended hope rose in her heart and mind, the hope that maybe she is as special to him as he is to her. His actions, his continuous attention, all of these are indicating that it is possible. And it didn’t help that he always looked happy and content when they’re together.
But hearing about his meet-up, accidental or otherwise, with his former co-star, she remembered how he usually is to his co-stars, especially the ones he really works closely and numerously with. He is a true-blooded Johhny’s idol, one that follows the make of his favorite sempai, Takizawa Hideaki; friendly, warm, and an ultimate charmer. He was like that to her too especially during the time they were shooting for the serial of Kurosagi, except that as time went on, things changed between the two of them because she realized she was dangerously falling for him while he seemed to be falling for someone else.
Remembering that made her question if she really did read his actions correctly, if what she saw as him treating her specially really is him treating her specially or it was just him being his normal charmer self. She realized that while it is true that she is different from the other women in his life, there’s a big probability that she is only different because she is carrying his child. That realization hurt, even more when she realized that his silence about his feelings connected to her may not be just because he’s not one who’s vocal about those types of feelings but simply because he had no feelings for her at all.
While it may have seemed sudden or harsh or confusing to him, she had decided to clear everything between the two of them. She had to know what he really felt. She had to know the real score. Because even if she really does love him, and that is something she’s not going to deny, she meant it when she told him during that meeting that she wasn’t going to wait for him.
Even extreme masochists reach their limits too.
----------
“Should we go check on her?” Erika asked as she and Mao stretched from where the two of them were hiding in the kitchen.
Mao had left Maki with Erika when she went to the kitchen to prepare them something to eat; Maki having already told them what she had decided on and Erika had just gone to the comfort room for a bit when Yamapi came in. When she went out, he and Maki were already having quite a serious discussion which is why she opted to go to the kitchen instead where Mao was already listening in on the conversation.
They waited for a couple more minutes after Maki closed her bedroom door since Yamapi had stood there, simply looking at the closed door, for a while. They really couldn’t see his expression when he turned around to leave except for the fact that they heard him sigh.
“I think she’d want to be alone for just a bit…” Mao said, her eyes still on Maki’s door. “Give her a few minutes…”
“I guess you’re right…” Erika said, nodding. “Do you think Maki-chan was jealous of Aragaki-san?”
Mao shrugged, turning back to the food she was working on before she heard Yamapi coming in.
“I think what happened scared her… It opened the option that she’s not that special to him at all…” she said. Mao knew from personal experience how painful it was to feel those doubts, she felt the same thing about Matsujun during Hanadan’s first season. Thankfully, in her situation, it wasn’t the case, and she’s hoping that it isn’t in Maki’s condition too. Nonetheless, it still is a painful feeling.
“Besides…” she added. “We wouldn’t really know since Maki-chan’s not saying anything and the only person who can read her really clearly is not here and wouldn’t be here long in case she is…”
“Yeah…” Erika agreed, knowing that Meisa, who still is to find out about her best friend’s current condition when she arrives later in the evening since she had been out of Tokyo for two nights already for a location shoot, would go directly to Yamapi for a confrontation if she finds out. “I almost feel sorry for Yamapi-kun at the moment too, though…”
“Why?”
“Imagine having people like Toma-kun, Shun-kun, Jun-kun, and Mei-chan lunging at his neck all at the same time…” she chuckled lightly. “Kame-kun said he’s trying to play neutral in this situation but he said every other Johnny that’s close to Yamapi is either picking Maki-chan’s side or is inclining towards her… I wouldn’t want to be him at the moment…”
Mao nodded her agreement. “Let’s just hope that this ends on a good note for him and Maki-chan…”
----------
“She just wouldn’t tell me what’s going on…” Yamapi continued, sighing as he stared at his beer bottle.
After leaving Maki’s place, he found himself in his own bed, in his own room, in his own apartment, trying to rack his brains out of what might have caused what had just happened. But no matter how hard he racked his brain, he still couldn’t get it. His questions remained unanswered even when he left his apartment for work this time.
Yamapi glanced to his side to look at one of his best friends he had not seen I a while. He was still at the NewS greenroom for their concert practice when Kame sent him a message declaring Jin’s arrival. Not long after, Jin himself sent him a message telling him to go to one of their favorite bars in Ginza when he gets himself free.
Seeing Jin simply playing with the remaining ice in his scotch glass obviously uneasy, he groaned. “Oi! Bakanishi! You’re not listening to me!”
“What?!” Jin said, turning to him in confusion. “Of course I’m listening!’
“You’re not saying anything!”
“Was I supposed to say something?” Jin asked. “You should have told me earlier… Here I was thinking I just have to stand here next to you and listen to whatever you have to say… I would have said something sooner if I knew!”
Torn between hitting himself or Jin for actually being in this situation, he crossed his arms and looked seriously at his friend. “So?”
“So?” Jin echoed, looking lost.
“So what do you have to say?” he cried, restraining himself from shouting as he tried to reason to himself that Jin had just arrived from the U.S. and is probably just experiencing jetlag.
Jin’s forehead creased for a few seconds before the signs of understanding dawned on his face.
“Ah! Yeah… About your situation with Maki-chan right? I think you did something wrong…’
It took Yamapi every self-restraint to stop himself from choking Jin to death, especially when he was looking at him in a very condescending way while he said that. He already knew that he must have done something wrong somewhere; he didn’t need to hear it again from him.
“You’re not helping!” he sighed, burying his face on his hands. “I can’t believe I’m sharing this to you…”
“That makes the two of us…” Kame chuckled lightly as he stepped next to Yamapi, signaling the bartender to give beer. “I can’t believe you’re asking Bakanishi of all people…”
“Oi!” Jin reprimanded to which neither men paid attention to.
“What are you doing here?” Yamapi asked.
“We’re actually the ones Jin is meeting here… I think he just invited you to make himself a bit comfortable while waiting for the others…” Kame said before turning to Jin and saying “Nakamaru-kun said they’d be here in about 30 minutes…”
“Ah… That’s the real reason huh…” Yamapi said, nodding as he threw a dark glance at Jin who simply smiled at him.
“What about you, why did you come here other than indulging Bakanishi?” Kame asked.
“Oi!” Jin reprimanded once again and was met by the same reaction.
“I wanted to go somewhere…” Yamapi said, sighing. “And I got tired of seeing Ryo look at me disappointedly or angrily… Seriously, that guy used either of those expressions only whenever he looked at me earlier…”
It was true, the moment he stepped in the greenroom and saw Ryo already in there, he knew that Ryo had somehow found out something about what had just happened since there was almost a murderous touch in his usual psychotic glare as he looked at him. Ryo had not even smiled even when he greeted him, he only acknowledged him with a nod followed by a shake of his head.
He still does not know what exactly Ryo knows or how he found out when the six of them separated after the practice.
“That’s not impossible…” Kame shrugged.
“You know?!” Yamapi exclaimed. When Kame simply raised an eyebrow at him as if saying “Do you even have to ask?” he shook his head and said “I seriously want to know how you guys keep finding out about it! I’m really seriously considering that maybe you guys actually know more about what’s going on than I do!”
“Ah… You don’t have to consider that…” Kame said. “That’s something you already have to accept and live with…”
Yamapi’s eyes grew wide before he shook his head with a sigh. “Care to tell me then what is it that you know that I don’t?”
“You mean you still have no idea?” Kame asked incredulously. Seeing as it was Yamapi’s turn to raise an eyebrow at his friend as if saying “Would I ask if I knew?”, Kame sighed. “What do you think is the reason behind Kuroki-chan’s almost hatred of you?”
“Wait, she hates you?” Jin popped in. “Since when?”
“Since you happened!” Kame chuckled while Yamapi said “Come to think of it, part of this is actually you’re fault!”
“What?” Jin exclaimed, stepping back. “I wasn’t even here!”
“That’s what made it worse!” Yamapi exclaimed. “What the heck did you do to Kuroki-chan for her to hate me that much because of you?!”
Jin simultaneously blanched and blushed but before he could even start choosing the letters to make his words, Kame chuckled “His being a Bakanishi is enough reason actually but we’re quite getting out of the topic… Other than this fool over here, what do you think would be the reason why someone as close to Maki-chan as Kuroki-chan is completely against you despite the circumstances?”
Yamapi looked stumped for a second before he said the usual reason used against their kind. “I’m a Johnny, I guess she didn’t want Maki-chan to be exposed to the troubles presented by being with a Johnny…”
Kame shook his head with a small chuckle. “And you believe deep in your heart that that reason actually is enough to make her react that way?”
Yamapi didn’t answer and it seemed he didn’t need to. He knew that while that reason would be enough for the more normal circumstances, it wasn’t enough for this one, not when Maki’s already pregnant with his child, and she’s as popular as he is.
“What don’t you want someone important to you feel?” Kame asked helpfully.
Yamapi turned to him and asked “Get hurt?”
Kame nodded. “And what is one of the biggest reasons why a person could really get hurt by someone else?”
Yamapi frowned, his eyebrows creased as he thought hard. Personally, the only people who could really hurt him, not physically of course but emotionally, are the ones that are really important to him. And the ones who’re normally important to a person are his family, friends, and…
Yamapi’s eyes grew wide as the possibility dawned to him.
‘Could she really feel that way for me?’ he asked himself, dubious of himself for never considering that.
And while Yamapi fought on with his inner struggles, Kame continued to watch him, hoping and praying that he finally got it while Jin looked at the two of them blankly, trying to understand the situation.
~~~~~
two more two go! yay! :) barring any other extraordinary event, i'd be finished with the story by the week-end! :) please look forward to it... :)
and as always... comments and critics are loved! :)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-28 07:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-29 01:48 pm (UTC)i should probably have edited out some parts but my brain and eyes wouldn't allow me to... anyway, hope you liked it... :)
thanks! :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-29 10:10 am (UTC)poor Maki! but I'm glad she's not jealous.. it's just a realization!
I loved that part by the way! it shows how Maki would actually know what's going on.
and baka Yamapi should be getting his emotions straight!
thanks to Kame! XD
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-29 01:51 pm (UTC)this was probably the most serious chapter i've written... it was kinda weird... :) And yeah, Kame had just pushed Yamapi to his first step of realization... :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-29 04:37 pm (UTC)seriuosly, how dense can Yamapi get? lol... and Jin! oh, he's really bakanishi. imagining him in the story kind of made me feel nostalgic. . . though i'm sad that it would end soon,, i also cant help being excited by the turn of events that would happen next... ganbatte! Love this. Hope they'll be able sort their issues soon, also with MatsuMao. ^_._^
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-30 11:28 am (UTC)i'm working hard on tying up the remaining loose ends i've left from the earlier chapters... i do hope the ending ends up all right... :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-30 08:44 am (UTC)maki-chan.....you shouldnt be jealous of yui-san..hukhuk
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-30 11:29 am (UTC)oh no... Maki isn't jealous per se... :)
thanks for commenting... :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-30 11:37 am (UTC)i forget to comment in chap14~~
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-30 05:47 pm (UTC)Yamapi is really baka here...haha
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-01 02:11 pm (UTC)i think i tend to write him that way... lol!
anyway, i hope the next chapter somehow covers a bit of the reason why he's like that (just a bit though...)... :)